I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
