party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
