whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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