I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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