so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
