White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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