Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
