I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
