i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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