Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
