two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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