Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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