sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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