good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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