yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
