put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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