ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
