hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
