The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
