you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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