highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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