she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
