Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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