please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
