Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
