that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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