So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
