ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i think my cat just said my name.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
