And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
