One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
