I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
