i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
