Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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