So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
