you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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