So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
