Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
