so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
