oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
