Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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