Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
