Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
