shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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