I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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