If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
