I didn't shave. On purpose
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
