I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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