your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
