What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
