you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
